Some days....not all inspiring.

I'm about to tell my truth of truths. Let's see if I can be the most raw and vulnerable me I can be right now. I'm always positive and I feel I'm usually pretty motivational. It's just that there are times when I need to allow myself to be utterly human, and express that. So....

I'm tired. I feel a little run down. My body is sore. I fight to find herbs and foods and massages and exercises and stretches to make myself feel better lately.

My home situation is still in flux. Magically searching for a deposit. Trying to pay off some major bills. I want a new bed. I think I should be smaller, should be richer, should have more than I do today. I should have more discipline over my finances, more control over daily life, more productivity, more efficiency. I should procrastinate less and yet sleep more. I should have my classes planned to a T and yet I do not. 

I'm shoulding on myself.

And then I feel I should be able to run my holistic coaching and energy work alongside all of this. Doesn't everybody? Isn't that what we are all efforting to do? What else is possible?

Then I looked at all the absolutely fantastic elements going on in my life. It's like I hit some major advancements, and then it's on to getting thru the next level, which sometimes shows up as a harder journey. 

All the lessons that I didn't learn come with me. This is where the lesson of money drives thru big time for me, realizing that some things might need to be sacrificed, in order for my money to go to that new place. This same lesson also applies to advancing my body, my living space, and my productivity.

How does it get any better than this?

Do one thing at a time.

One of my weakest points, and sometimes strongest, is when I multitask. I feel so empowered when I can get several tasks done at once. The only problem is when I leave out steps in an effort to increase efficiency. Kind of ironic, right? Then I have to go back and correct anything that I have missed. And this is my case for doing one thing at a time. 

I cannot vouch for every writer or artist, but I have seen usually only one pen or fingers on keyboard, working on one book, one page, one line at a time. I have only seen an artist use one brush, one stroke at a time. This is not to say that others have not been able to do some incredible works with the Olympic medal of multitasking brilliance behind them. In saying that for people like me, it may work well to just use one brush.

That also requires a sort of slowing down. And even though it may seem a bit challenging when the phone is ringing and everyone has a request for you, let them leave a message and finish what you've started, one moment at a time.

Your body knows what's for dinner.

I was sipping on a cup of hot green tea this evening, reflecting on my eating, and came to this big revelation. When my body is telling me what to eat, sometimes my mind chimes in and says something that's totally off the menu the body suggested. And I begin to listen to the ramblings of the mind, and I eat some more.

Or I follow the wisdom of being aware of a change in taste. Food changes its taste when your body is done eating. What happens when the taste doesn't change? Sometimes I allow the food to continue tasting good, and sometimes I will myself to stop. But eating with body choices is supposed to be easy. Anything that isn't easy, such as you grappling with a dinner selection, isn't the body. The mind is at work, when thinking is involved.

http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2014/05/non-diet-diet.html

On Taking Care of Yourself.

There are so many questions I don't ask people, because of all the judgment they will do to themselves in order to answer. 

My son did that tonight, as we were sitting in ER with a nosebleed and migraine. He hadn't eaten, hadn't drank water, and had pushed it too far in the warm weather of the day. 

I told my son how he didn't need to make himself wrong in order to prove that he was right. He didn't have to prove anything...He didn't have to come to conclusions about himself because something wasn't working for him. He didn't have to make an imaginary universe of wrongs to explain his state. I just told him to make a new choice. Make a new choice. Make a new choice now! Today is good!

5 hours, Two sandwiches, 6 cups of water, 4 vials of blood, 2 excedrins and 2 Motrins later, he decided he didn't need his emotions to create drama to know he was alive. He didn't have to heal anybody. He has permission to heal himself. 

The night ended in a good laugh. 

So...just for fun...if you do one thing today, do it for Kai, and help yourself heal a little more today. Whatever that is....an extra drink of cool water, 20 extra minutes of sleep, another scoop of veggies, 3 more hugs, do it.

On Being Superior

"There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self."--Ernest Heminingway

That guy, I think he was onto something...some make the effort to be the best, to be perfect, or to be humble...(and for clarification, not being humble doesn't equate to a detour to arrogance)...What if you targeting to be more of you, was easier than being the best or humbling yourself to prove a point? Who are you trying to appeal to? What are you judging yourself for? 

if you can recognize that you don't need this definition as some homing beacon so that people recognize you as part of their tribe, you may find yourself in the expanse of infinite being.

If you can allow the idea that each of these states and attempts takes you away from you being you, what would you choose?

Doing what works for me.

Hi. This is me, me being me. And that's all there is to it. And I thought my hair looked a bit more "normal" than what I see on this picture....but that's okay, because I am simply just doing me, and that has worked for as long as I've been able to create a sound from my mouth.

However, I didn't always know this. It seems that at 43, I am finally taking cues from my own self love that is growing and developing. In fact I could really refer to it more as self-gratitude. Some of the things I've done to make my life better has also made me more grateful for my life. 

For example, I got rid of the idea of having this conventional home. Now I am ready to buy a house, and the most reasonable move for me to make now, is to find something that fits the way my life demands it go. My home needs to have a space for creating, healing, cooking, laughing, loving, and sleeping. It also has to look clean and beautiful while maintaining a sense of space and order. I no longer can see myself living in a space I would choose not to keep free and clear.

Some would say that I didn't make the choice to buy when I "should" have. What I realize now is that I could not have done this any other way but through my own way. It works for me.